Movies: The Evil Dead (1981)

One of the lowest-budgeted, super-cheesy classic horror films ever filmed in what looks like a large outhouse, this film may or may not be familiar to you. The director's newest effort, Oz: The Great and Powerful, jumps onto the big screen in March 2013. 

That's right, folks, I'm talking about Sam Raimi. The movie:

Emo Spider-Man.

HA JUST KIDDING. (Even though he did direct the Tobey McGuire Spider-Man trilogy.)

The movie I'm talking about is The Evil Dead.

The girl represents audiences in 2007, and the demon hand is Spider-Man 3.

Sorry, Raimi... Not sorry.

The Evil Dead is about a group of 5 ridiculously ignorant teenagers going to stay at the main character's family member's cabin in the woods in the middle of absolute nowhere.

Seriously- it's to the point where the woods literally attacks them because it's so bored.

This was the only picture I could find that didn't include the oh-so-subtle tree-rape scene.

The movie proceeds with the woods possessing one of the girls with an allegedly smelly-ass demon, who torments the group and later possesses more of them.

No, but as awful as this movie was, it was excellent. This is the perfect example of "it's so bad it's good." The filmmakers had to use creamed corn dyed green for demon guts, and it's disgusting...

Lindsay Lohan?

I kid, I kid....

For what Sam Raimi had at the time, with a limited budget and unfortunate weather conditions, he still made a pretty damn entertaining movie. Those demons are hideously perfect, and the concept was pretty original for the time. 

TIME TO PICK APART THE MOVIE <3333

Not like I haven't already started, but now that I've established you should go watch it, I'll proceed to rip this movie apart limb from limb.

Or lock it in the basement because a wooden door will keep Satan's minions at bay, for sure.

OKAY FIRST OFF. They're traveling to this cabin when Bruce Campbell, the actor playing the main character, announces that no one's ever been to this damned place. At least, no one in the car has ever been there before...

This must be it! I know it!

Yep, leave it up to a bunch of stereotypical teenagers to go on a vacation and get brutally raped, murdered, dismembered, etc. Also, if you're given a keychain for the cabin that consists of ten keys from Hogwarts that ALL look the same, it's time to re-think your vacation plans. If I can't enter the house in a timely manner, I've already lost interest and want to go home. 

Especially when you can just push your hands through the door.

And Bruce, this is an older movie, but it's not the OLDEST scary movie ever filmed. Hiding in front of doors or windows is a big no-no, especially after all your friends have either been killed or possessed by trash-talking, bath-skipping, song-singing demons.

Also, leave it up to a bunch of teenagers to be dumb enough to be outsmarted by some trees.

What I'D like to know is: what do these demons plan on doing after they kill/possess every open vessel? 

Yeah, didn't think THAT far ahead, did you?

"Erm..."

Mmm... Didn't think so.

In short, go find this movie and watch it. It's terrifically awful, and awfully entertaining. I've never seen the sequels, but I do plan on seeing the remake in the spring. It looks even MORE gory and it looks like they're making this one a lot grittier, less campy. 

P.S.: If you're on vacation with your friends and you cross a bridge whose plans break off upon driving over it, it's best to back up and dive home before you get stuck on the other side before A. you end up with one pretty badass survivor, or B. you end up with this image before everyone's imminent death:

Ew.

(If you get the movie reference, I both love you and feel sorry for you for also having to endure it.)

Music: Halestorm- The Strange Case Of...

They're one of the best female-led rock bands, and following the release of their second album, The Strange Case Of..., they've earned themselves a Grammy.

They're Halestorm, and they really know how to rock out.

The Strange Case Of... (Released 2012)

At this year's Grammy Awards, the rockers won for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance for their song Love Bites (And So Do I). Check the video out below:

You tell 'em, Lzzy.

The Pennsylvania-born band has toured with some of the biggest names in rock, including the likes of Sevendust, Chevelle, Evanescence, Seether, Avenged Sevenfold, and Disturbed. Their latest album landed the 12th spot on 2012's US Hard Rock Albums chart.

Halestorm (at this year's Grammy Awards) consists of: (left to right) Joe Hottinger (lead guitar, backing vocals), Lzzy Hale (lead vocals, rhythm and lead guitar, keyboard), Arejay Hale (drums, backing vocals), and Josh Smith (bass guitar, backing vocals).

This band has always stayed true to their sound; after two singles from their first album hit the top 10 charts, their careers have only skyrocketed with time. Their newest album contains a lot more emotion and meaning, not only to the listener but to the band. Give any of their songs a listen, and you're bound to get hooked.

You can listen to Lzzy Hale lend her voice to other artists' albums as well, including Shinedown, Black Stone Cherry, Adrenaline Mob, and the upcoming David Draiman (of Disturbed fame) project, Device.

Movies: House at the End of the Street

You are the well-known lead singer in a band in your hometown.

Everyone loves you.

To top it all off, you just happen to look like Jennifer Lawrence.

And what happens? You and your mom move to God-Knows-Where, a place consisting entirely of residential homes, a school, and a hospital, and forests filling in all the gaps.

Where are you?

A horror movie, of course!!!!!

"Wait what?"

Yes. You heard me.

Starting with indie films such as Winter's Bone then blasting onto the scene with The Hunger Games, Jennifer Lawrence puts her stamp onto the horror genre with House at the End of the Street.

The tag-line (and hash-tag, because this is 2013, damnit!) for the movie was #HATES.

Apparently someone forgot how initials work, because now I guess you can include the A and T of "at the" but totally ignore the O and T of "of the." 

Anyway, HATES tells the beautiful, heartwarming story of the new girl becoming friends with the outcast of this town in the middle of absolute nowhere. He just happens to live right next door, a good jog through the woods. In an "abandoned" house. In which his parents were brutally murdered by his sister. Who was never found after the murders.

LET'S GO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH HIM AND HANG IN THAT HOUSE ALL THE TIME

I guess you could nit-pick any horror movie, but when all of Katniss' - I MEAN JENNIFER'S other friends basically ignore her when this other dude is around, this "tortured soul," I think one would get the hint.

Not that kind of tortured soul.

Also- those kids are real assholes. They know there's something wrong with this guy, and they let this hot new girl hang around with him?

Oh yeah that's totally fine. What great friends.

OK now onto my review. I honestly thought this movie was decent. It didn't stand out to me, though- it was no 80's slasher film, but at the same time it wasn't any of said slasher film's remakes. HATES was better after the opening sequences that consisted of a flashback scene that looked like this:

Seriously though.

Jennifer's acting was top-notch as always, or at least as well as she could have done in a movie like this. It's not really anything like what she's done before. I guess it was more interesting of a watch than anything... Let's stick to Oscar-nominated films, alright Katniss?

"But Ryan what about giving the other actors credit?"

How about you listen to Jenna Marbles and-

Thanks, Jenna.

All-in-all, I'd recommend this movie for rentals... Or go to someone's house and watch it... It was good, but not THAT good. 

That is all.