Books: The Hobbit

Elves...

Dwarves...

Wizards...

Goblins...

Riddle-solving Dragons...

and Hobbits.

What exactly is a hobbit, you ask?

I just read J.R.R. Tolkien's book, The Hobbit, and as excellent as it was...

I honestly couldn't tell you.

It's like... A... Little person-thing...

It's that guy in the middle of what looks like a hobo convention. 

So... a hobbit is a dwarf whose main source of hair is on his feet instead of on his face.

Got it? No?

Doesn't matter.

The Hobbit starts off with this ... Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. He's very proper, well-mannered, and comfortable being by himself in what is called his 'hobbit-hole.' It's his house, okay? And like me, when people come in and start touching my stuff, he gets agitated.

I don't care if you slightly resemble a mellowed-down Dumbledore. Don't just barge into my house and start lighting up. You look like you smell and that pipe isn't helping anyone.

A group of dwarves and the wizard Gandalf show up on this poor guy's doorstep and whisk him away on an adventure. It went something like this:

"Mister Baggins, we'd like you to join us on our journey!"

"Ah, where to? Are we going to skip through the fields, being merry and jolly and sing songs from the land of the happy tree fairies?"

"No, we're gonna steal some riches from some dragon. You might die."

"Wait- what?"

"Yeah. You might not even make it to the dragon himself. We just know that hobbits are very good burglars, so we're pushing you into that stereotype and making you come along with us."

"So you come into my house, wreck my shit, eat my food, and disturb the town to tell me I'm going to break into some one else's house and basically do the same thing?"

"Yep."

"What do I get out of this!? This is so dangerous... You guys are messed up."

"Gold." 

"I'm in!"

After that, they set off on their perilous journey to the mountains far away, housing the evil Smaug. Well, we don't know whether he was actually evil or, you know, was just not one who liked people taking his stuff, which seems kind of reasonable.

"My bubbles."

No- but in all seriousness, this story is a classic. Tolkien has woven an entire world out of pure imagination, from the characters to their languages and even the history of Middle Earth. 

I have never read Lord of the Rings, the follow-up trilogy to The Hobbit, but I've seen at least 2 of the movies and the stories are so intricate, it's amazing how one person could come up with all of it.

Certain scenes from The Hobbit really took my breath away. First of all, there was the part where the team runs into the goblins. And by 'runs into,' I mean they were sleeping in this cave when goblins literally crawled out from a crack in the wall and dragged them into the cave.

Rude. 

But the situation was intense, and the development of Bilbo's character throughout the story is so drastic- he's thrust into so many dangers that by the end, he's basically a knight in shining armor.

He makes his nephew, Frodo (who is the protagonist in LoTR), look like a little bitch.

Bilbo outsmarts a creepy Golem-thing, sneaks away from goblins, kicks the asses of many a giant spider, and throws riddles at a psychotic dragon LIKE A BOSS. (In one book, mind you.)

Frodo, well... He... He, um...

I mean, come on- this looks like an ad for Kay Jeweler's. 

The Hobbit is the perfect epic, wrapping together all aspects of a hero and his journey. Lessons are learned, friends are made and lost, and magical beings populate every page. Tolkien is surely a brilliant storyteller, and I'm sure that hobbits will be remembered for a very, very long time.

... Mostly considering the fact that the 300-page book will be made into a trilogy starting this holiday season.

Exactly.

I am definitely going to see these movies, since Peter Jackson is a visual master in his films. But I seriously recommend this book to those who haven't read it yet. You won't be disappointed.